WHY I'M NOT HERE FOR INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS
I had a conversation on twitter a few months ago with EJC contributor @BespokeThoughts when he tweeted: Black women don't mind you preferring White women. They get upset when you put them down while stating your preference. As a Black woman who doesn't take kindly to seeing Black men with white women I have to disagree. I take an issue with any Black man (person) who prefers a race and aesthetic other than his own. Greater linkings are shaped by some standard or influence. Why do you like what you like? Who told you something was beautiful? For some, the only thing that makes a woman of another race attractive is the fact that she's not black. My logic can't make sense of someone with pride in their history and appearance preferring the polar opposite. Being more attracted to features that vary from your own has to stem from some level of self-hate, the way I see it. It's no secret that Eurocentric standards of beauty are applied to all women of color and upheld by men who also represent the minority. So when a Black woman cuts her eyes at you and your white woman, it's not hate... it's hurt. Black Love is Black Power and Black women have always been at the forefront of every liberation and nation building effort since we came upon the shores of America. Black women made up an estimated 2/3 of the Black Panther Party who created alternative schools to educate Black children through the 1980's. Fast forward about 20 years later the very people who should understand and support us most are quicker to voice disdain than sing our praises. We are constantly being chastised and judged by our appearance and perceived attitude with the general conclusion being that we are less desirable. As a whole, women with dominant European features have been labeled as beautiful and Black men often perpetuate the norm. So preference to me is the get out of jail free card. It sounds better than admitting that women who look like your mother and sister aren't what you're looking for. It's like when a job application says they're an equal opportunity employer but the name on your resume still prohibits an interview, it's just to keep the peace. That's why it was news when Kendrick Lamar released his video for "Poetic Justice" with a lead darker than what we're used to. That's why it was a statement when, following Ferguson, a list of Black men and Black women murdered by police similar in length, was tweeted and Black men received significantly more support. That's why it was a big deal when Lil Wayne who has a brown daughter uttered the words "How does he say what's never said. Beautiful black woman, I bet that bitch looks better red." That's the point, the rejection of Black women starts in the home and generation after generation of women are raised seeking the validation, that they didn't get growing up, from men who are also raised hating who and what they are. I don't really care that Black men actively pursue women outside of their race but I can't stand when defending their relationships they completely ignore the message that is being sent. Love who you want but be objective enough to acknowledge the root of your desire and the way it effects black women, if it's not personal. If you love us so much despite your current relationship than say that. If Black women still matter make that known. Take ownership of Black women the same way we take ownership of our Black men when we organize and advocate when you all are profiled and executed like animals. Care about our well being in the same manner that we prioritize yours. Don't attempt to silence us when we share our stories, we shouldn't have to suffer in silence. Don't stereotype us when we express ourselves, we have feelings and that include understandable anger. Don't include us in your sexual exploits but deem us unworthy of building a home with. Just reciprocate the love that you receive. Simple.
I say this as a light-skinned, light eyed Black woman who hasn't been subjected to most of the hatred that those darker than me receive. This issue is personal to me because the last thing I want to be is a Black man's fair fantasy. I'm afraid of being with a man who is attracted to me because I'm not overwhelmingly Black, its a denial of the very thing that is so important to me - my race. Maybe I don't like seeing Black men with white women because I don't understand it. I think Black women are God's gift to mankind and Black men are royalty. I don't understand how someone belonging to the race that created modern civilization can rank all others the same. I have no desire to engage in a relationship with a white man because I feel like I'd be cheating myself. But if I did, it wouldn't be because I think Black men are ugly, or lazy or any other negative stereotype attributed to them. Black men are everything. I can't wait to build a future with a Black king and create a build a family full of children whose hair defies gravity and stretches toward heaven. I can't fathom why a Black man would entertain the idea of the contrary but if you do, you still have an obligation to your race. Perhaps I'm a cynic... Would the same white women openly love you if it were 1950? Are you comfortable mentioning white privilege around her? Do you excuse oblivious prejudice behavior or hold them accountable? Do they respect your Black experience or does race not matter anymore?
Black women currently hold roughly two-thirds of all Bachelor’s and Doctorate Degrees earned by Black people overall, and 70% of all Master’s Degrees. When this trend first started we got the conversation about "dating down" and were told not to overlook our mechanic because of his lack of education or financial resources. We were told to be understanding, open-minded and compensate because the priority was not closing ourselves off from the option of a Black man because of his shortcomings. We're taught to be loyal, loving and supportive when in returned we are shamed, disrespected and silenced. Black men with white women, to me, is more complex than preference or even love and to assume that Black women are just hating is dismissive of our experience stemming from the dynamics birthed from slavery: the perception of beauty, hypersexualization and dehumanization. If you don't see the parallels, get to know your (interrupted) history. You may not like the stares, glares and comments and you don't have to apologize for your bride but understand where it's coming from and how you're contributing to it.
a sister to a brother,