ACCORDING TO EVE JANE CLAIR
A LESSON ON RELATIONSHIPS
If you are over the age of 13 and unmarried you’ve experienced relationship drama. Whether it be casual dating - which technically isn’t a relationship – or problems with an ex, drama with an ex or current partner is almost impossible to avoid. Specifically, with casual dating the drama tends to increase and the blurred lines become scribbles. Casual dating is almost impossible to define. If one is dating with the intent of only sex, or sex and a serious relationship, or just a relationship with the intent of eventual sex, the resulting “casual dating” can be a big hot mess, especially if the other person doesn’t have the same plan, doesn’t know your plan, or only wants what they want. The character, Mary Jane, from BET’s show, “Being Mary Jane,” doesn’t even know, or want to accept, that she’s is technically in TWO casual relationships. Girl…
One. Mary Jane KNOWS that she is neither of the two men she is sexing’s girlfriend. Let’s leave the term “main” out of this post and save it for another, but Mary Jane is not even Andre’s only or number one and neither is she David’s. And two, Mary Jane has the nerve to get mad at either man, yet run back to both when the going gets tough. Mary Jane can barely balance the dating life of a single woman. I am not bashing her, at all; just stating the facts for all woman who are dating a man who is obviously involved with other people and he isn’t hiding it from m them (ignore David in that aspect).
Seeing her get caught all up in her feelings and realizations when talking to David on the phone about his new concert plans with a new lady was really heartbreaking. Many women have been in similar experiences before; being confronted head on with the fact that you are not the only, aren’t in the position to think you’re the only, and that you never discussed that position in the first place, so you cannot effectively combat their significant in that aspect. Unfortunately, I think we all have that one girlfriend who has been in a similar situation to the one above, and is also in some more drama, simultaneously, with a second man, or woman. This situation is sometimes even more ludicrous than the former, but it still exists, regretfully. If you have not watched the show you also see that Mary Jane is the midpoint of all of the drama with another man… a married man. Yes girl, clutch your pearls. You would have to watch the show to see the numerous mistakes Mary Jane has experienced dealing with this man, and his wife. What is disheartening, though, is that once Mary Jane found out that the man she was intimate with was married she continued to have intimate relations with him. Sigh.
Relationship, or in this case, casual dating, drama like Mary Jane’s, happens all of the time, whether it is out of the woman’s hands are not. It’s those two words: casual dating that make titles, or exclusivity, fidelity, and honesty so fuzzy for the party who is expecting complete dedication for the aforementioned. People inject so many loop holes and meaning to the term “casual dating” so someone is usually bound to get embarrassed or hurt. There is so much more to say about the latest episode og Being Mary Jane, relationship drama, and casual dating but we’ll end it here. Tweet us your thoughts on these topics on Twitter @evejaneclair, today.
A LESSON ON FRIENDSHIP
The opening scene of Being Mary Jane was intense and displayed the urgency to care for a friend in need. We were able to see the role of Mary Jane as a friend;she unapologetically broke into her friend's house to save her life, stayed the night, and cooked breakfast the next morning. The conversation that was held the next morning displayed the stubbornness of a friend that knows they need help but rather go without it. We've all been there before but how long are you willing to lend a hand that is continuously refused? Now it wasn't stated how many life-threatening episodes Lisa has experienced but this wasn't the first because Mary Jane effortlessly disarmed her alarm system. Lisa obviously needs mental help but chooses to distract herself with work and when idle she becomes dangerous to herself.
I've been in a friendship before where the friend obviously needed help but every time I tried to extend the hand it was pushed away. It came to a point where I didn't know what to do or how to even be her friend because I couldn't help her. Everything I did didn't seem like it was enough. It was sad watching her self-destruct. At one hand I wanted to tell her to stop with the pity party and get help but that seemed insensitive. On another hand, I just wanted to walk away but that seemed as if I didn't care which would not be the truth. There was only so much I could do as her friend but I refused to feel guilty for doing so much that wasn't helping her.
As the story continues we will get to see more of Lisa's character and her struggle to be mentally healthy and the dynamics of her friendship with Mary Jane. In situations like the one presented it is best to help that friend from a distance because it can become mentally and emotionally exhausting. You support and love them but you can't want for them to get help more than they want to. It will only cause you to be more stressed than needed. In the beginning it will feel as though you aren't being the supportive friend but you are being a supporter rather than enabler. Lisa has to want to get better in order for her to get better. Mary Jane should just continue to be there in times of need and let Lisa live a life that she thinks is best.
A LESSON ON AMBITION
I guess you could say life was a lot easier when all women had to worry about was not washing the colored sock with the white load of laundry. However, since women have realized our full potential as intellectuals as well as wives and mothers we have faced a dilemma. How do we balance out loyalties to our families and our passions professionally?
This idea is briefly explored during the premiere episode of Being Mary Jane when we see MJ, a broadcast reporter, and her producer having to work late during the live coverage of a hurricane. Now, Mary Jane's producer has two sons and a husband that she was forced to spend more time away from due to her demanding schedule while MJ called to cancel a date because... well, she has nobody.
This reminded me of a "good white movie" I watched on Netflix titled Mona Lisa Smile. (check it out) The plot is simple: 1950's on the campus of top tier women's college Wellesley as the new art history professor challenges her students ambitions of earning their MRS. instead of M.A.
That's when it hit me, here it is in 2014 and young women are still trying to find their balance. It's not solely career vs. family, timing is everything. The reality is women cannot healthily bear children as long as we would like. There is a small window, short of being a teen mother, for us to start families and it almost always coincides with the beginning of our dream careers. On top of that, in this big male-driven corporate world a man having a family is favorable and makes him look grounded and responsible while a woman is viewed as a liability, because you know, only women are hands on with raising children.
So, what's a girl to do? My theory as someone admittedly inexperienced in motherhood and relationships... Find a progressive man who exhibits healthy masculinity and is more interested in having a partner than a housekeeper that he screws at night. Meaning, start a family with a man who is comfortable getting in the kitchen every now and then when you're swamped, a man who can do a couple loads of laundry if you've had a long day and a man who respects your mind and celebrates your success. You might feel guilty, on the inside, along the way with missing a few recitals or games and not having your hubby's suit ironed but with two parents who function as partners, all bases should be covered and your children should never feel a lack.
Now, if you're part of this new school wave where a husband and children would be cute for you but you're not really pressed. Go for it! Every woman doesn't have to have children or ever get married. There are ways to enjoy life and have a support system outside of the nuclear family unit. I applaud honest ambition because the reality is you can't have it all... at least not at the same time. Just make the call to be a career woman early enough to nurture your career the way you would a baby and to love your job the way you would your man because it's only worth it if you make it to the tippy top.